Five Rules to "Have a Good One"

Over the years, my skills at meeting new people have progressively grown more and more feeble, from being able to automatically be anyone's friend in grade school to an almost deathly fear of approaching new people, post-grad. I blame much of this on the high school years I wasted, solely socializing by computer, but at least I have learned a few valuable lessons from this, which may yet be useful in the future. When approaching someone new, for instance, reading a book clearly read only by the most fascinating of characters:

1. Have something to talk about.

Me: Hi, good book?
Complete Stranger: Yup.
Pause.
Me: Well, have a good one.

2. Don't over-think it.

Me: (in my head) Okay, there's someone sitting over there reading a big book. (S)he's clearly an intellectual. Good, we have that in common. I could go start a conversation and discuss... intellectual things. But would it be weird if I just walk up and start a conversation? Will I get told off? Maced perhaps? What if I exhaust the intellectual topic too quickly? What can I talk about besides, God forbid, the weather? Oh shit, (s)he's looking at me. Now I've blown it. I should go. But now (s)he's back on the book. Maybe that glance was an invitation? Maybe (s)he was admiring the pigeon over my shoulder? Shit... literally... Wiping off shoulder... Where was I? Oh God, how long have I been sitting here staring? I probably look like such a stalker right now. But I'm told I should seize every opportunity to talk to someone, because who knows, they may become my best friend or my link to the biz. Uh oh, (s)he's packing up. It's now or never. (outside my head) Hi, good book?
Complete Stranger: Yup.
Pause.
Me: Well, have a good one.

3. The longer you observe, the less likely they will want to talk to you.

Me: Hi, so I saw you were reading that book, and I was wondering what your thoughts are on Fermi's Paradox?
Complete Stranger: I dunno. I just started. You were watching me?
Pause.
Me: Well, have a good one.

4. Don't ask for someone's contact information if you haven't actually made a connection.

Me: Hi, good book?
Complete Stranger: Yup.
Pause.
Me: Well, have a good one.
After running into them much later...
Me: Hey, remember me? We were talking about your book earlier.
Complete Stranger: Oh hi.
Me: Hey, could I have your E-mail address?
Complete Stranger: No.
Me: Okay... Well, have a good one.

5. If someone actually shows an interest in talking with you, don't leave!

Me: Hi, good book?
Complete Stranger: Amazing! Have you ever heard of Fermi's Paradox?
Me: Yeah. (inside my head) Oh my God, I'm making an ass of myself again. What do I do? Better get out of here before I make the situation any worse. (outside my head) Well, have a good one.