The Final Drug

It's sad, but true. In my ongoing pursuit of self-control, which has otherwise been going swimmingly, there remains one drug to which I submit in addictive kowtow: flirtation. I love the feeling of the flirt, even though ninety percent of the time I'm flirting, I'm neither talking to the other person nor even holding eye contact. The flirt is in the glance, the gaze, and perhaps, in the unlikely event that opportunity and courage should present themselves at the same time and same location, the question.

Of course, throughout the history of Kyle, this particular drug has led down all sorts of unpleasant paths, through secrets, lies, and dreadfully inappropriate Facebook stati. Now that I'm no longer on said book of faces, and perhaps on account of the imminent winter (the season of romance), the urges are coming more strongly now. Of course, in order to hold my course and veer deftly around the jagged rocks of past mistakes, some new conditions are in order, a code, if you will. I shall call it:

Kyle's Code of Dating

1. Neither person sets foot in the other's place of residence until, at the earliest, the third date. After that barrier is broken, then both must be equally welcome in each other's home.
2. First meetings should be in the morning or early afternoon when both people are in the process of waking up and are thus either more energetic or less capable of deception.
3. If a plan is made and interrupted, it should be pushed back, not brought forward. Rushing tends to evoke a sudden sense of impropriety and convert attraction to guilt.
4. While nearly everyone deserves a chance on a first date, it is impolite, when feelings aren't mutual, to wait until the third date or beyond to set the boundaries.
5. Stick to your standards, which in this case are:
• Creativity and passion
• Optimism
• Kindness, not just "niceness"
• Solid boundaries, a code, if you will
• Healthy self-esteem
• No more than five years on either side of my age
• Enough projects that I don't need to be one of them
• Effective communication skills (verbal, honest, regular, purposeful)
• A sense of wonder
• Conflict resolution skills
• A stable family relationship
• Long-term goals
• Good grammar
• Gratitude
• A pleasant face and a pleasant smell
• An enormous... sense of humor

While this may seem like an excessive list to the unfamiliar reader, considering my long past of lacking self control, it is essential to take a rigorous path in order to get back on track. Then, once my behaviors are balanced out, I may decide I don't need to be so strict anymore. Ideally, this will be because I've met someone who actually fits in with all of them. However, the world has a talent for crushing ideals after a while. In any case, I'm hoping that this relapse gradually turns into a valuable stage of progress, as I learn how to incorporate what I've been learning about boundaries and the power of "No" into real human-to-human interactions.